My twelve weeks redundancy notice has been the longest time ever, and it’s not over yet. In the new year, I found myself sharing my colleagues’ enthusiasm for future projects but then had to remind myself that I wouldn’t be around to be involved with the development, which has led to boredom and general lack of interest in any of the tasks I am given. Although there are a few of us leaving the IT department, I am the only one from this site and have noticed that some people have started to speak to me differently, with a tinge of sympathy in their tone, as if there is something wrong. It makes me think there must be. Others keep asking if I have got a job yet. No, I haven’t.
I got as far as a second interview and the guy from the agency named the day when he would phone and let me know … and then never phoned. That was two weeks ago, and I have just about stopped carrying my mobile phone around everywhere. I thought about phoning them but left it, thinking maybe if no-one else accepted the job they might come back to me. Now I think I have seen it re-advertised with a more specific description of the role and the skills required. I don’t want it any more though, I’ve moved on from that. I said originally I didn’t want another job in IT – but this was close to home and appeared to fit. I have applied for several other jobs that are not ruled out by my lack of experience or wrong qualifications, but other than an automated reply from a couple, I have heard nothing. When people advise me to apply for anything, as I have nothing to lose, I am inclined to agree – I’ve probably told other people the same – but I do have a tendency to completely see myself in the particular role, so there is an emotional investment, and this is what gets lost when I hear nothing.
I have filled in a form to apply for voluntary work at a wildlife sanctuary but have not sent it off yet, in the hope that the offer of paid work might be just around the corner. The thought of having nowhere to go, and not ‘belonging’ to anything scares me slightly. I started work straight after school and am lucky enough never to have been unemployed and, other than holidays, scheduled appointments, or working from home, I have never had time off. I even have an award for attendance – a little plastic gold cup on my desk; an award for being a bum on a seat and for my mild OCD about being in the right place at the right time. Now at that age where bits might start dropping off, I am looking for some wood to touch in this office, but it is all plastic or formica. I guess I’m also a little worried that if I end up out of work for a few months I will adapt to enjoying the freedom and will resent it being taken away again – but then adaptation must be the key, so it will work both ways.
The IT manager just made me laugh. He was faffing around in the meeting room, setting up a projector. Satisfied everything was ready to go, he walked across the office, stood beside my desk and said in his most polite and deliberate voice; “I have been tasked with presenting to the department a video about the state of the Company, and where we are now. Would I be correct in assuming that you don’t give a rat’s arse?” Bless him!
So, whilst everyone was watching telly I wrote this. I’m glad I decided not to try to stick to writing about writing as I now have far more scope for writing – and no-one has to read it if they don’t want to!