Word on a Whim

Tense?

All the books I wrote before ‘The Rise of Serge and the Fall of Leo’ were written in the past tense, which I believe is the more traditional style of telling a story.  I wrote those early stories without having to give a thought to the grammar – it just seemed to flow. With the Serge character, I felt that the present tense seemed appropriate for Serge’s outlook; he lives in the present moment and his actions are responses to what is happening right now.

I started my latest book in the present tense, as this now feels more natural to me, but at the end of the first chapter I decided to do this one in the past and rewrote it.  Rewriting it was more than just a case of sticking ‘ed’ on the end of words as I found that some bits just didn’t sound right and had to be rephrased. Moving forward, if I finally settle with the past, I will have to concentrate to use ‘said’ instead of ‘says’ and so on, until it becomes natural again.

I did go looking on the internet to see if people had tense preferences, and I think it was this comment on a forum that swayed me towards the past:

“Reading an extended piece in present tense often makes me feel as if I’m being hit repeatedly over the head with a teaspoon.”  (Emma)

I kind of know what she means, but yet it was this same quality that I felt gave my book a freshness, a faster pace and a sense of the seasons rolling quickly by.

To help me decide, I took an extract from ‘The Rise of Serge and the Fall of Leo’ and converted it into the past.

Here it is in the present tense:

Leo has had enough – it had been funny and intriguing at first – but now he will block the number.  Better still he will plunge the mobile into the water – as far down as he can sink it – and then jump in after it and follow it down to the depths where the water turns to mud.  He raises it above his head to achieve the maximum downward thrust but slips on the ice and falls to his knees – the phone flying from his hand and almost slithering over the edge.  He remains kneeling on the ice and clasps together his painfully cold hands, and sobs in despair…

  “Oh, Lord.  If you really do exist – as my mother believes you do – then please don’t let me ruin her Christmas.”

… and this is my ‘translation’ into the past tense.

Leo had had enough – it had been funny and intriguing at first – but now he would block the number.  Better still he would plunge the mobile into the water – as far down as he could sink it – and then jump in after it and follow it down to the depths where the water turns to mud.  He raised it above his head to achieve the maximum downward thrust but slipped on the ice and fell to his knees – the phone flying from his hand and almost slithering over the edge.  He remained kneeling on the ice and clasped together his painfully cold hands, and sobbed in despair…

  “Oh, Lord.  If you really do exist – as my mother believes you do – then please don’t let me ruin her Christmas.”

Have I got myself confused here? Do I need to change “will block the number”, “will plunge” and “can sink it” to “would block the number”, “would plunge” and “could sink it”, or are they still valid in the future when I am writing in the past?  I think I could have got away with the future, but it grates a little when followed by “He raised” instead of “He raises” – or would that read okay to everyone else?

Anyone’s feelings or advice on this will be very much appreciated and will help me to decide whether to go forward in the present or the past.

Thanks,

Jules

Writing a good Sex Scene

This is something that I struggle with – writing about it without including gratuitous details or off-putting graphic references to body parts.  Here are couple of snippets from books I have read that really don’t do it for me:

“maintaining his erection against her thigh, he lubricated her with his hand”

Sorry but Yuck!

“she felt the length of his shaft”

They were down a mine, right?

If I am reading a love scene, I feel cheated if the couple go off to bed and shut the door on me, but yet it can be cringe-making to be allowed behind the door.

As a teenager I loved the work of DH Lawrence and must have read just about everything he ever wrote – and how sensitively he wrote it!  Yes, he could be graphic, but then the ‘C’ word in his day sounded okay.  DH Lawrence also describes human emotions as they are, sometimes forsaking delicacy.  His characters feel anxiety in their bowels rather than as a butterfly fluttering in the chest.

Many years ago I read Roald Dahl’s ‘My Uncle Oswald’ (and I might quote this wrong as my copy got passed on along with all the Lawrence books) but I still recall a scene where he is looking through a window and he narrates something like this;

“I am not a voyeur.  The act of copulation is like that of picking your nose.  It is okay to be doing it yourself but to witness someone else doing it is a singularly unpleasant spectacle.”

That cracked me up when I read it and has stuck in my mind since about 1990, and probably explains why I struggle with sex scenes and why I will never be entirely at ease with writing them.  But I hope to keep practising …

Jules

Now available as a Paperback

Sorry to change back the subject, but ‘The Rise of Serge and the Fall of Leo’ is now available as a Paperback (368 pages), in addition to Amazon Kindle format!

Dean’s book cover looks superb and Imprint Digital’s printing and binding is excellent.  I really hope that what’s written on the pages is of similar quality – and I hope that you will read it and let me know what you think, either by commenting on this blog or by filling in the contact form on the top of this page or by writing a review on Amazon.

To link to the Amazon Kindle version (on Amazon.co.uk) click on the book cover image.  It can also be purchased in USD from Amazon.com.

To order a copy of the paperback using PayPal -UK only please (owing to postage cost) click the ‘PayPal click here to buy’ button, beneath the cover image.

I hope you enjoy reading the story as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Thank you,

Jules

What shall I do next?

I have finally submitted the PDF file to the printers, and the paperbacks are in the process of being printed.  Whilst I’m looking forward to receiving them I am dreading discovering a typo the minute I look inside.  Not that I ever want to read my BF book again – after all that proof-reading.

There are some books I wrote years ago that I could dig up and re-write; all of them completely different from the one I have just finished, and different from each other – or maybe I should try something new?

An issue I have with writing in my spare time is that it doesn’t leave much time for reading other people’s work, but when I decided to read something instead of jumping into a new project, I found I was still in proof-reading mode and was checking out the punctuation instead of enjoying the story.

I will be glad to get my teeth into something new!